Motivation on the Run

My absolutely, favorite phrase I learned as a green salesman, “Telling is not selling,” sticks with me every day as I talk to prospects and customers. The other, “They don’t care what you know, until they know that you care,” is similar in that the focus is on the other person.

A favorite topic of mine is listening. I’m not saying I’m the best listener (and you don’t have to ask the Redhead), but the topic is one that most people never come to understand. My experience is that people want to talk … period, not listen. Given the chance, most individuals will completely monopolize any conversation they come into contact with, not missing a chance to entertain you with their wisdom and knowledge about any subject. These non-listeners even have an unflattering name … BORES! Are you a bore? Never!

Examples are too easy to come by, but let’s look anyway. You meet your best friend for lunch and the entire time you are telling him about the great golf shot you made today, he is thinking about the perfect shot he made eleven years ago, and is about to tell you the story, yet once again. Ultimately, you come to the conclusion, he didn’t hear a word you said, but as he tells his story again, you do the same, daydreaming and wishing you are back on the course.

In my job I attend many different traditional networking events and the one thing I notice is the fact stated above, People like to talk, not listen. Several times, as an experiment, in meeting new people, I ask them open ended questions about the usual things, but don’t volunteer information about myself until they ask. You guessed it, I don’t get to talk much.

How is your listening? Here’s a simple test. You meet someone new and visit with each other for five minutes. Now be honest, if I talked to both of you the next day, which would know the most about the other? Right, the listener … and is that you, or the other person?

If we are honest, you and I both need to improve in this area. Good listeners are hard to come by, but it is a learned skill.

First, pay attention to what the other person is saying, you just might find out something interesting. Watch them as they speak and pay attention to not only what they are saying, but apply the lessons learned from the Silent Languages articles, to learn all you can about them.

Second, never interrupt to get your words in “edge wise.” Wait for the other person to come to a complete stop, then pause for three seconds, and if there is still a void, you can answer, ask another question, or change the subject. My observation is that if you pause before saying something, they will continue the story, or start another one. Another reason for the pause is a courtesy to them because it allows them to catch their breath and ask you a reciprocal question.

Third, ask open ended questions that are interesting. This will allow the other person to tell about an interesting story or event in their life. This method will allow for much greater knowledge of them for future meetings. You will learn about their families, their work and their hobbies. This can be powerful information for the future.

Fourth, is the same as the first … pay attention to what they are saying and you will be considered a great conversationalist and can become a great friend, also.

That’s it for now, but learn to become an active listener, you’ll be glad you did.